Facing Reality: The Rock of Love

So VH1 thought is was necessary to start a new reality show with Poison’s vocalist Bret Michaels. I really didn’t want to feature anything about this because I have never considered Poison to be metal but I do have an opinion on it so I thought “Screw it”, what better reason to bash a washed up glam star.

Anyway this new show will be about Bret Michaels trying to find love like Flava Flave (Flavor Flave, I’m not sure how it’s spelled but who really cares) in the Flava of love. Now I know 99% of you don’t watch this garbage and you’re not missing anything. From what I’ve gathered from the preview, the women he is trying to hook up with are either washed up groupies or just a bunch of blond bimbo sluts. “Whats wrong with that?” you say? Well nothing if we were still in 1988.

Obviously this is another one of those “Comeback” attempts that most of the 80’s glam rock band members do to try to keep them from being a 44 year old burger flipper. I’m tired of seeing these guys trying to bring it back. Have you seen some of the hair-dos these guys are sporting these days. They are kinda like the ‘dos that the younger rockers are wearing, like Medina Lake and crap like that. If you expected me to cover bands like that then you came to the wrong place.

I’m sorry guys but your time is over. Your music will live on in the hearts of the people that loved it then, and they will grow old with you and will be the only ones showing up at your club gigs flashing their saggy breasts and still trying to get backstage by giving your roadies a B.J. as usual. Sorry, you just picked a bad genre of rock that we all knew (maybe except for you) that wouldn’t last.

Glam was only about one thing. Having a good time, partying, getting laid, making bad,flashy music with remarkably bad hair to match, and moving on to the next town to do it all over again. Sorry if your record label, managers and merch. reps robbed you while you were doing all that and now you have nothing to show for but a wore out pair of tiger striped spandex pants.

Bret, who is now 44 years old is looking for a girl who can keep up with his rock and roll life style and not be jealous of his “one true” passion, performing. Whatever, dude. The only thing you’re gonna find on this reality show is a bunch of crazy women who you will find are loopier than Paris Hilton and just as slutty. Maybe next season on VH1 we’ll see Gary Glitter goes back to grade school to find his true love. (Only a few of you will understand that)

Also I wander how far back Brett’s hairline would be if he ever took off that stupid cowboy hate or the bandanna.