Metal Martyr » Brett-Michaels

Brett Michaels Is 44 And Desperate | Rock Of Whores 2

Scott — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:02:47 +0000

I thought the above title would fit the show better kinda like Scott Baio’s stupid show on VH1. I started watching the Rock Of Love 2 on VH1 the other night just to cure my curiousity cause I watched last season religiously. Sad…I know. Anyway, I could barely stomach it this time around. Perhaps because you kinda know whats going on in this one. Unlike last season, everyone of these girls are FUTT BUCKIN UGLY!! Ok, well there are one or two that aren’t too bad, but If I was Brett I would have fired whoever picked these girls. First off, all of them are sluts, whores, strippers, etc. and if thats what he looking for then great. I guess its easier for him to get laid this way than to actually having to tour and screw a bunch of saggy breasted, washed up groupies that are looser than…well damn, I just can’t think of anything looser right now. I can honestly say that I probably won’t watch this season of Rock Of Whores. And one last thing. I think I speak for everyone when I say that Brett, those hair plugs aren’t fooling anyone. Notice how over the years the bandanna has gotten bigger and higher? I think it’s time for another shot of botox.

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Post from: Metal Martyr

Metal Resolutions | Don’t Hold Your Breath!

Scott — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 05:00:11 +0000

Once again it’s theme day at the b5 Media channel and todays theme is Resolutions made by Bands/Stars that will probably be broken. I contacted a publicist for each of the following Bands and/or Stars and asked them if their clients had made any new years resolutions. Here is was they told me!

Zakk Wylde
Resolves to start taking a shower at least once a week, and once a month when touring.

Sebastian Bach
resolved to stop trying to sell us a shitty record and pry his lips off of Axl’s ass.

(~~Secret Lovers, that’s what we are~~)

Axl Rose
resolves to stop talking about Chinese Democracy and just release the damn thing so we can all be disappointed already!

Metallica
resolves to record a good album…maybe they’ll actually keep good with this one?

Kerry King
resolves to start attending church.

Avenged Sevenfold
resolve to stop calling themselves metal and stop wearing so much eye liner. Punk sucks and glam’s not coming back so make up your mind and STFU!

Brett Michaels
resolves to stop dated skeavy whores on national television in hopes of finding a “Good Woman”.

Dez Fafara
Resolves to stop making himself look stupid by trying to sound even remotely intelligent.

Tommy Lee
resolves to stop making a mockery of himself and the band that he built a legacy on.

Gene Simmons
resolves to stop plastering his painted face all over everything from tube socks to tampons and selling them for outrageous prices!

And lastly, Dave Mustaine
resolves to stop spelling “cool” as “kewl”.

(Note: If you really believe that I contacted any of the aboves publicists…please take a moment to beat yourself about the head and neck until consciousness subsides.)

Post from: Metal Martyr

I Found Marilyn Manson’s Parents!!

Scott — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 22:20:23 +0000

During Marilyn Manson’s recent divorce he complained that he didn’t have any support from his parents and said he had become displaced from them long ago. I took it upon myself to do some diggin and see if I could find them for him and maybe reunite them. Here is what I found…

I hope they can accept each other for who they are and move on as one harmonic family.

Image Source=Net-games.biz

Post from: Metal Martyr

Marilyn Manson Divorced | What A Shock! UPDATED!!

Scott — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 12:37:58 +0000

Marilyn Manson Officially Divorced? We saw this coming though, Didn’t we? But what I want to know is who wakes up in the morning and says to themselves : “Marilyn Manson is cute and single. I think I will marry him.”, or something to that effect. Secondly, where does this anorexic Frankenstein go to pick up women?

Honestly, this guy has the face of an abused blow up doll and the personality of a rusty crescent wrench. Now he’s dating that 20 year old girl from the movie “13“? She must still be huffing the Endust if you ask me. And I’m sorry, but who wants “sloppy seconds” from Marilyn Manson anyway.

Here’s a thought Marilyn Manson…audition for the next Rock Of Love. You just might win!

Image Source

In response to Kieth’s Comment I searched high and low to find the perfect woman for Marilyn Manson. Below are a few pics of some candidates for him.

Image Source For MM Match Making

Ewe

Inflate-a-man

Mimi

Post from: Metal Martyr

Facing Reality: The Rock of Love

Scott — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 14:30:53 +0000

So VH1 thought is was necessary to start a new reality show with Poison’s vocalist Bret Michaels. I really didn’t want to feature anything about this because I have never considered Poison to be metal but I do have an opinion on it so I thought “Screw it”, what better reason to bash a washed up glam star.

Anyway this new show will be about Bret Michaels trying to find love like Flava Flave (Flavor Flave, I’m not sure how it’s spelled but who really cares) in the Flava of love. Now I know 99% of you don’t watch this garbage and you’re not missing anything. From what I’ve gathered from the preview, the women he is trying to hook up with are either washed up groupies or just a bunch of blond bimbo sluts. “Whats wrong with that?” you say? Well nothing if we were still in 1988.

Obviously this is another one of those “Comeback” attempts that most of the 80’s glam rock band members do to try to keep them from being a 44 year old burger flipper. I’m tired of seeing these guys trying to bring it back. Have you seen some of the hair-dos these guys are sporting these days. They are kinda like the ‘dos that the younger rockers are wearing, like Medina Lake and crap like that. If you expected me to cover bands like that then you came to the wrong place.

I’m sorry guys but your time is over. Your music will live on in the hearts of the people that loved it then, and they will grow old with you and will be the only ones showing up at your club gigs flashing their saggy breasts and still trying to get backstage by giving your roadies a B.J. as usual. Sorry, you just picked a bad genre of rock that we all knew (maybe except for you) that wouldn’t last.

Glam was only about one thing. Having a good time, partying, getting laid, making bad,flashy music with remarkably bad hair to match, and moving on to the next town to do it all over again. Sorry if your record label, managers and merch. reps robbed you while you were doing all that and now you have nothing to show for but a wore out pair of tiger striped spandex pants.

Bret, who is now 44 years old is looking for a girl who can keep up with his rock and roll life style and not be jealous of his “one true” passion, performing. Whatever, dude. The only thing you’re gonna find on this reality show is a bunch of crazy women who you will find are loopier than Paris Hilton and just as slutty. Maybe next season on VH1 we’ll see Gary Glitter goes back to grade school to find his true love. (Only a few of you will understand that)

Also I wander how far back Brett’s hairline would be if he ever took off that stupid cowboy hate or the bandanna.

Post from: Metal Martyr