Researchers have discovered that black mascara causes several previously unknown ailments, including depression, uncontrollable crying and the urge to cut shapes and misspelled slogans into arms and legs. To make matters worse, mascara has been blamed for increasing the sales of shitty music.  In response to this amazing discovery, all black mascara is being pulled from shelves immediately, and emergency measures are being discussed by world leaders.
The so-called “Emo community” is not pleased:
The non-conforming conformist Emos have promised to blare Sunny Day Real Estate in the streets while slicing at their appendages with dull scissors until this “heinous travesty” has …read more

I felt like posting this older video of Fred Durst attempting to learn to play the guitar while on stage in some fictional town where people actually cheer for Fred Durst playing the shittiest guitar solo ever recorded.
Fred Durst is a special individual.

“Crabcore” band Attack! Attack! was in the middle of their trainwreck song “Catfish Soup” recently in Kansas City, MO, when all of a sudden a tiny blue object of unknown mass was thrown on the stage, hitting guitarist/vocalist Johnny Franck in the hair… causing an emo reaction of near epic proportions. The unknown flying object was forcefully tossed, presumably by a fan, in Franck’s general direction while he was vocalizing something or other. The object allegedly glanced off his face, and flew madly through his perfectly styled hairfro, which for some reason reminded him instantly that he had forgotten to …read more

Nicholas Birch of The Irish Times reports that Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan ordered the arrest of several men in Istanbul last weekend after flashing the metal salutes to a passing cavalcade.
Yusuf Sengul was attending a metal festival with 4 of his friends, when they made the sign at the passing vehicles. Sengul stated:
“The tinted windows of one of the cars opened and a guy in dark glasses shouted ‘what the hell are you doing’… They said they were acting on the orders of the prime minister, we were laughing. We thought it was a joke.”
It was no joke. All …read more

Found this over at Metal Sucks, and wanted to share it here. There is no way that I couldn’t, it’s like an amazingly retarded train wreck taking place for over 4 minutes, all the while building steam towards a crushingly pathetic ball of wtf. I don’t even know what to classify this crap. Autotune Gimpcore?
Douche McBaggins and his band of merry followers seriously need a new hobby.