“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU. I know everyone will suggest that fucking a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have in no way contributed to me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive.”

Hey, he said “unfortunately”, not me. Granted, Swine Flu isn’t as lethal as people are making it out to be, but just this once, couldn’t they be right? Oh my sweet baby Jesus, I can just imagine the new level of tasteless but funny jokes to hit the tubes if Marilyn Manson were to die of freaking Swine Flu. His next series of “songs” will be about the angst and horror of sitting on a toilet while having to puke between his knees and the extreme discomfort that the running mascara causes his eyes as he cries tears of gothic agony, wishing his bowels would just seal themselves shut forever.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t wish anyone dead. I just think it would be funny.

[image: Ian Gavin/Photoshot/AdMedia/Newscom]

Post from: Metal Martyr

CD/DVD Digipak Autographed Pre-Order: $12.99 ORDER HERE
**autographed copies only available while supplies last, North American pre-order only **

BEHEMOTH
ROCKSTAR ENERGY DRINK MAYHEM FESTIVAL
Tour w/ Slayer, Marilyn Manson, Bullet For My Valentine, Trivium, All That Remains, God Forbid, Cannibal Corpse, Job For A Cowboy, The Black Dahlia Murder, Whitechapel

07/30 London, ON London Music Hall not part of tour w/ God Forbid
07/31 Cleveland, OH Blossom Music Center
08/01 Pittsburgh, PA Post Gazette Pavilion
08/02 Detroit, MI DTE Energy Music Theatre
08/03 Rochester, NY Water Street Music Hall not part of tour w/ Cannibal Corpse, The Black Dahlia Murder, God Forbid
08/04 Boston, MA Comcast Center
08/06 Virginia Beach, VA Verizon Wireless Virginia Beach Amphitheater
08/07 Camden, NJ Susquehanna Bank Center
08/08 Hartford, CT Comcast Theatre
08/09 Washington, DC Nissan Pavilion
08/10 Spartanburg, SC Ground Zero not part of tour w/ Cannibal Corpse, The Black Dahlia Murder, God Forbid
08/11 Tampa, FL Ford Amphitheatre
08/12 West Palm Beach, FL Cruzan Amphitheater
08/14 San Antonio, TX AT&T Center
08/15 Dallas, TX Superpages.com Center

[image: Metal Blade Records]

Post from: Metal Martyr

Busy, Busy weekend. Had to work on a lot of things around the house yesterday in preparation for my daughter’s birthday. That kind of explains the lack of updates. This will be my last week at my present job, so starting next week there should be a lot more updates throughout the days. I’m really looking forward to this!

I have a really cool prize to give away sometime soon. I had an autographed copy of Machine Head’s The Blackening but I gave that to a friend already so that won’t be going out, however I have something in store and if you’re a guitar player you may be interested in it. I’ll just leave it at that until I announce the contest. With that, lets get to some bits and pieces of news from the last couple days.

Wes Borland, you know, the guitar player that used to play for Limp Bizkit. Well it appears that he needs some work so he’s found a new home in Marilyn Manson. Now he can slap the make-up and all that good stuff on and fit right in…

Lamb Of God plan to release their next record in early 2009. They until then they will hit up a bunch of left coast tour dates with Metallica. I’m willing to bet that they are going to steal the show.

Divine Heresy found a new singer in Travis Neil from The Bereaved. Most people said the re-recorded version of Bleed The Fifth doesn’t sound much different from the Tommy Cummings version. Maybe that’s what Dino’s looking for.

In a recent interview Vince Neil said that Generation Swine was “a terrible record”, to that we all said ‘No Shit, Sherlock!’

Wayne Static’s porn star wife has decided it’s time to stop taking in other men and try to live a ‘normal life’. It would be nice if Wayne would try a new approach to music and make a record that doesn’t sound like the last one.

Bruce Dickinson just turned 50, but he doesn’t look a day over 51…and he still hates Sharon Osbourne.

Until next time…piss off!!

Post from: Metal Martyr

I hope they can accept each other for who they are and move on as one harmonic family.

Image Source=Net-games.biz

Post from: Metal Martyr

Holy crap, 2008 is here already. Where does the time go. Another year another year older my decrepit ass is. 2007 was a fun filled roller-coaster of madness, but here we are. It’s time for a whole new shitty year. A new president will be elected, “W” will finally be out and we can look forward to a whole new screwed up situation come ‘09. Speaking of…I’m about tired of hearing the word Caucus. Anyway, time to unload the garbage…

Gene Simmons is on The Apprentice Celebrity edition and he helped his team win last night. Since it’s all for charity I guess I’ll leave Gene alone…for now.

Marilyn Manson is officially divorced so now he is free to grope any concert security staff member he likes.

Just a friendly reminder that Australia’s Airbourne is the worst AC/DC cover band I’ve ever heard.

Vince Niel opens the Dr. Feelgood Bar and still bears the sign Poker in the Front Liquor in the Rear…or do I have that backwards? Oh well, either way work out well.

Former Nirvana bassist joins old punkers Flipper…what was his name again?

Traci Gunns says it’s time to record a new record. Really Tracy?…c’mon now, I thought you would have learned by now that it’s just not working. maybe in Japan…but those guys like everything.
Former Dio Guitarist Craig Goldy wants to share his vast knowledge of the record industry…that is probably old and out dated. Here’s some knowledge I have of the record industry, It’s a dying institution unless they adapt to the internet.

Metallica’s Black Album is one of the top ten selling elbums of the “Sound Scan” era, a bunch of people on Blabbermouth.net argue about it, blah-blah-blah…who really cares.

Sebastian Bach still thinks his record is the greatest thing since Chinese Democracy and Phil Anselmo lists Downs new record in his own top 5 of 2007. This goes to show that neither artists are truly sober just yet.

In Non-Metal related news…Amy Winehouse continues to make Courtney Love look like a model citizen and Britney Spears has been giving her sister, Jamie Lynn Spears some parental advice!

‘Till next time…Keep it hard, keep it heavy or keep it in your pants!

Post from: Metal Martyr

Honestly, this guy has the face of an abused blow up doll and the personality of a rusty crescent wrench. Now he’s dating that 20 year old girl from the movie “13“? She must still be huffing the Endust if you ask me. And I’m sorry, but who wants “sloppy seconds” from Marilyn Manson anyway.

Here’s a thought Marilyn Manson…audition for the next Rock Of Love. You just might win!

Image Source

In response to Kieth’s Comment I searched high and low to find the perfect woman for Marilyn Manson. Below are a few pics of some candidates for him.

Image Source For MM Match Making

Ewe

Inflate-a-man

Mimi

Post from: Metal Martyr

Iron Maiden will be touring on their own custom Boing 757 decked out with Maiden artwork. The tour will be called the Somewhere Back In Time tour and will be aimed towards a theme of Maidens History. Bruce Dickinson will be supposedly piloting the jet complete with road creww and band. To Read More Click Here Ironmaiden.com.

A real Led Zeppelin Re-union, minus the obvious J.B. is supposed to be in the works. I’ll believe that when GnR’s Chinese Democracy is released.

Obituary’s New CD: Executioners Return is getting good reviews so far. I’m kinda eager to hear it, I always liked John Tardy’s voice….well the way he sings anyway.

In the latest Metal Hammer magazine, Marilyn Manson talks about his failed marriage. Frankly I think she was mad because he wore more make up and liked penis more than she did…but thats just my opinion.

Slipknot is recruiting for it’s fan club, Click Here (Inside the 9)

Megadeth’s That One Night: Live In Beunos Aires 2 CD set was released yesterday and Blasting-zone.com is giving 4 of them away, Click Here(Blasting-zone) Preorder your Warchest Here Warchest Preorder for Only $52.99!

Well thats about it for me tonight, I’m nursing a head cold which always sucks in the summer heat. Keep an eye out for The Sword: Age of Winters cd contest coming soon!

Post from: Metal Martyr