The Critics Den 20 Rules Of Being A metal Head…And My Add-Ons
January 18, 2008 by Scott
The Critics Den is a cool site with some great metal insight and much more. Below are The Critics Den 20 Rules Of Being A Metalhead…with some add-ons from me.
20 Rules of Being a MetalHead!
1) Always say Black Sabbath rules.
This is true, can’t go wrong with this one2) Own only Black Sabbath greatest hits collection.
There are a shitload of them so choose randomly, it doesn’t matter.3) If something is good, it always “kicks ass!”
Can’t Argue here4) Look down upon people who don’t listen to metal.
I can’t say much more on this one except Listen to metal you inferior douches!
5) Give crappy nicknames to nu-metal bands. e.g. Limp DickShit, Stinkin Park.
Right On! Don’t forget ones like Dicknot and Korn-holes even if you like slipknut and korn-cob.6) Anything which sells more than 17 copies should be termed as a “Sellout”.
I only listen to underground metal
7) Remember, Metallica sold out with the ‘Black Album’.
Thanks Bob Rock for f*ckin up one of the greatest bands in Metal history
You’ve bought the ‘Black Album’ eight times!
3 times for me. Something about the Black Album is still catchy enough that you still buy and listen to it!9) You have a wide taste in music. Keep a few Jazz albums in your collection.
Even if you don’t listen to Jazz, check out Yakuza!10) Always keep a few Dream Theater songs in your iPod (to show people that it takes talent to make this kind of music).
Isn’t this the truth!11) Make sure your music library consists of everything from old school rock to brutal death metal.
Don’t be ignorant when it comes to Aerosmith and Led Zeppelin, they paved the way for a lot metal, believe it or not!12) Say you don’t like anything post 1991.
Just say it…you know your a liar!13) Don’t get caught listening to Killswitch Engage or As I Lay Dying, or worse..Bryan Adams..ouchh!!
I love Killswitch. As for As I Lay Dying, I thought they were pretty cool until I discovered All That Remains. Brian Adams was only cool when you were trying to get laid to the Robin Hood sound Track.
14) Delete the album artwork of all your Cannibal Corpse albums!
What??? Old Cannibal Corpse Album Covers are the coolest, especially “Tomb Of the mutilated”!15) Leather, chains, Dragons, warriors, death, war, drugs are your most sought after literary tangents.
Don’t go overboard cause then you just become a dorkal statistic!16) Praise Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Rainbow, Rolling Stones no matter what!!
This is the law!
17) Listen to 2 songs from Led Zeppelin & Deep Purple and have no idea about Rainbow & Rolling Stones.
At least know the words to Paint it Back!
18) Memorize the lyrics to Slayer’s Rein In Blood by heart.
If you can’t remember the lyrics to Riegn In Blood you better know the words to Angel Of Death!19) Don’t cut your hair.
Unless you need a jobat someplace that’s not fast food.
20) When your mommy/wife yells at you, cut your hair!
With a really dull pair of shears so you can feel cool and rebellious!.
For more great post like this and some awesome insight and CD reviews got to The Critics Den…or DIE!
Very nice list and great addons!
Black Sabbath does rule, great stuff indeed.
Unfortunately and embarrassingly enough, I bought the Black album twice and called Metallica sellouts for anything they made after that. “Through the never” is my favorite song off of that album.
I know all of the lyrics to all of the songs off of Reign In Blood. Best stuff ever. That’s the only Slayer album I can say that about.
Great list
I felt the need to add my two cents…..
Not a mention of Pantera?
No way – never surrender, even for employment’s sake! Eventually, a job will turn up that’ll let you keep your hair … I work in the archive library of a military museum, and I have shoulder-length dreadlocks as well as a face full of piercing hardware!
Although, to be fair, I spent a lot of years in really sh*tty jobs before now. But, y’know. Persistence. It’s for the cause, man!
This list kicks ass, as do your comments. So true about Led Zeppelin, but I would think people would know more about Rolling Stones than about Rainbow. Just my opinion.
-Gilan
of The Beatles Invasion
to be honest, I know nothing of rainbow.
Wow!..Those were some great add-ons Scott. Cheers! Let’s see if I can come up with some more of these..lol.
Haha, that’s such a kickass list. You’re add-ons are great too! I’d say the only one I disagree with is As I Lay Dying. I think they’re a pretty good band. Killswitch is really talented, but I can’t get into them.
LTC
Don;t get me wrong, Kevin. I still like As I Lay Dying and I’ve been listening to their older CD “Shadows are Security” as of late.